Running the door at a bar or club works much the same way as being a receptionist at an office: You greet people as they come in, verify they’re supposed to be there, assist them with anything they may need help with, so on and so forth.
And occasionally you stop illegal things from happening. And sometimes those would-be criminals happen to be kids. Hilariously naive, oh so clueless kids.
Here’s a collection of notable fake ID stories from the last few years, in no particular order, for your entertainment:
Caught kid with fake ID the night before I left for a three-week vacation. The kid was the first person I carded on my first night back at work. Double kill.
Caught girl with a fake PA. I retained the ID and explained she can talk to the cops if she’d like it back. Apparently she was out with her parents. Dad wanted to fight us about it instead. Literally.
The second fake I ever caught was a girl out with one of my sister’s childhood best friends. “Hey so great to see you it’s been years oh by the way I’m about to ruin your night out with your friends!”
Girl I went to high school with didn’t recognize me, spent ten minutes trying to convince me she needed her ID (a borrowed Carolina) to get back home.
A kid tried to pass off a borrowed NJ as himself but failed to think of a cover story as to why his ID photo had a VERY prominent neck tattoo and he did not.
A girl attempted to get in using a borrowed TX. She was out with several friends. When she explained the situation to them, visibly distraught, they shrugged and walked inside anyway, leaving her outside. Turns out they were her ride and were staying a couple of towns away. Ouch.
“Any particular reason your ID says you’re 6 feet, but I know I’m 5’10 and I’m looking down at you?”
“If you’re going to borrow someone’s ID, I’d suggest not using one from a regular at the bar, especially when they’re already inside.”
“It’s not fake, you clearly don’t know how to do your job.” Kid with a fake NY waits as I walk inside to grab a couple’s legitimate New York licenses to use as an example. “Any particular reason yours lights up purple under a blacklight but theirs doesn’t?” Straight faced, shit you not, the kid goes “radiation.”
Girl hands me a fake MD, I proceed to bend it to give it a crease test. ID snaps in my hand. I explain I can’t let her in. She proceeds to cheerily say, “No problem! I hope you have a great night! Would you like a coffee or something?!” Nicest refusal I’ve ever had to this day.
Sometimes protecting your place of business as security is dangerous. Sometimes it’s just plain funny. Cheers to all the underage stars that give us these laughs week in and week out.